Last night was one of those nights where you feel like throwing your arms in the air and cry and shout “why?” In my case it was: why can’t everyone go to bed happy? This was because Logan, Zelena and even the cat Gertrude were all crying at the same time. Logan who is 9 years old now has no issues sleeping now (a story for another day), the problem was that he was anxious because he had school today. Every Sunday night and Monday morning we have a bit of an argument involving the reasons why he has to go school.
Last night, it was very different because he was very anxious, he was crying, saying that he hates school and that nobody likes him and that he hates to learn. At the same time I have Zelena in her bedroom, I don’t know why all Sunday she was emotional, she is nonverbal, so it might have been out of frustration. But one minute she is playing and then crying for 20 minutes, eventually she is back to her happy self and then again and again in an endless circle of crying for no apparent reason -all day Sunday. And there she was by her gate bawling her eyes out. Again I don’t know why. Then the cat in the background, crying too. Gertrude wants to go out, but she won’t just go out, she has to have milk and then go out. So after my little inside cry… I thought I just have to get on with this. Quickly I gave Zelena a little toy to distract her (which ended up working for 5 mins) and then I went into Logan’s bedroom because he seemed to be very stressed out. We talked, I reassured him that he is loved and that we would do something fun when he is back from school (bribery is one of best tools) and read him a book, gave him his old teddy bear, and left him to sleep. Then ran to the other room where my little madam was back to shedding tears, cuddled her and sat with her on her bed till she calmed down with her tablet watching you tube kids music videos, while I was there I was stroking the cat to keep it quiet, and then I ran downstairs, gave the cat a bowl of milk and opened the door to let her out. I sat down for 2 minutes and literally fell asleep on the chair for about 5 minutes…
I always underestimate the emotional toll of raising children, which is exhausting in itself with neuro-typical children. But if you add the autism factor: when your 3-year-old girl can’t tell you what is wrong, because she doesn’t speak; when your 9-year-old boy tells you that he wishes he didn’t exist because nobody likes him. It is so draining and upsetting. I was thinking maybe I didn’t spend as much time with them on the Sunday, my husband and me were working in the garden a lot to make it safer for them (added a gate and a fence). We were at home but working all day and though they were with us most of the day, the children spent most of the time playing by themselves. So I think maybe when we are doing work in the house, we just need to ensure to have play breaks. I don’t what else I could have done differently to avoid them having such a difficult time.
And Gertrude, well, she is just a spoiled cat…
Mixed autism 